Tuesday, February 14, 2012

"All bets are off."

One year ago today, as my husband left for work, I said these words to him: "All bets are off."

Having just found out a couple of weeks before that we were expecting again, I was fairly certain on Valentine's Day that something was very wrong. The symptoms were alarming and weren't going away. I called our midwives' office and was instructed to come for an ultrasound later that morning. Numbly, I got ready to go, met George at work, climbed into his car to make the trip. I steeled myself to hear the news that we were going to lose the baby.

As we huddled in the cramped darkness of that ultrasound room, anxiously awaiting some information, I didn't know how to pray, didn't know what words to use. I just kept saying, "Please, God." I don't even know what I was asking for, exactly.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things...

What we got, of course, was the furthest thing from what I thought I'd been asking...the most shocking, world-altering news I have ever heard.

"Here is the baby...and here is the other baby. Both Baby A and Baby B are doing fine."

I don't remember what I said. I just know that it felt like the room had started spinning madly and wouldn't stop. George was laughing and rocking in his chair, head in his hands part of the time, staring up at the screen and then hiding his face in his hands again.


One year ago, things changed forever.

Countless times since that day, I have prayed without knowing what words to use. And yet, God heard my heart all those times.

Love never fails.

Our Baby A and Baby B will be 5 months old tomorrow. Although I know we're really just at the beginning of this journey, I can look back over the last year and sigh with some relief that we have made it this far.  I am so grateful for all the places that Real Love has shown up to help us in making it through - all the family and friends who took care of us, all the co-workers who helped out, all the meals brought here when I was put on bed rest and couldn't cook anything myself, all the e-mails and phone calls and prayers on our behalf.

The support we received was Real Love. Not the chocolate-eating, flower-buying kind that usually gets celebrated on this day. The real kind, the self-sacrificing kind...the kind that gives away pieces of itself over and over and over again but is never reduced in size.

The kind that mamas and daddies have for their children.

The kind that God has for each of us.

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone.