Thursday, March 22, 2012

So tired.

A confession:

Sometimes, around 3:30 or 4:00 in the afternoon, I walk by the unplugged, empty coffee pot and sniff the stale scent of the morning still hanging around it. I close my eyes and wish I could fast forward right into tomorrow...and I find myself longing for the other side of the long evening and night I know lie ahead of me, just so I can make a new pot of coffee and drink it.

I am so tired sometimes.

I usually feel it strongly right when I wake up...that totally overwhelming, full-body exhaustion in the very center of me, the kind of tired where my sleepy bones cry, "No! It can't possibly be time to get up yet." My eyes feel full of sand and my head aches. And yet it is time, and there's light coming in around the curtains, and there's a preschooler standing beside the bed proclaiming that he's starving, and it's my job to feed him.

At that moment, when I realize it's really morning and it doesn't matter how much sleep I didn't get and there's no turning back, I want to ask everyone to wait ten minutes until I can have some coffee. Hold on, babies. Just give me that long...long enough to get my eyes to open more than halfway, long enough to make a cup of coffee.

Or two or three cups.
Where's the hold-on-a-second button on a three-year-old? If you find it, will you please let me know?