I am in the middle of one of those days that make me wonder if I am really cut out to be a parent at all.
We had to go for groceries this morning (and you know what that is like!). It didn't go horribly. It just felt like a lot of work. On the way home, as my children screamed at each other and Nora beamed a sippy cup at Lucy, striking her in the forehead and making her cry loudly, I started grumbling to myself about how everything feels like a lot of work all the time. Coming off a weekend of parenting without George at my mom's house (which has tall stairs and isn't set up for toddlers), I am grumpy and tired. We got home yesterday, and it feels like I've lost a day this week in which to accomplish chores and laundry and running and bathing the kids. There are not enough hours in the days I have left.
So many tasks...so little time.
As I was preoccupied with the fifty-seven things I need to do, my kids were pulling at me, biting each other, unrolling the toilet paper repeatedly, and polishing off an entire pint of blueberries straight out of the grocery bag without asking. They "cleaned" the toilet with foaming hand sanitizer taken from my purse (Nora stood on SuperSam's stool to get it from the top of the piano- one of the few places that I thought was still out of their reach).
By the time they had eaten their morning snack and smeared the peanut butter all over the table (to make a "trap" for the fly that was buzzing around the kitchen), I'd had enough. I yelled at them (and almost immediately felt awful about it, since I've been working so hard on this). I quickly made them lunch, served it to them with no frills or chit-chat, and put them down for their naps an hour and twenty minutes earlier than usual.
Maybe it will reset the day. Maybe they are tired and out of sorts from traveling, just like I am. Maybe everyone just needs a little time alone.
Instead of tackling the laundry, I'm focusing on turning the day around. It is time for an attitude adjustment. This day needs to be reclaimed for what it is: holy time- 1,440 minutes made to spend together being grateful we are alive to share them.
This week actually as the same number of days and hours as every other week ever has.
And today actually has just as many blessings as the days surrounding it.
Maybe I'm just not seeing them today...or maybe those blessings are dragging me down the road behind them, white-knuckled and hanging on for dear life. Either way, they are here. They exist. Part of why we are created is to find those blessings and call them out for what they are.
After putting a reminder on the bathroom mirror, I've decided to take a nap, too. Part of my purpose is to rejoice in today...and maybe resting in the quiet will help me start doing it.