Wednesday, November 4, 2015

It's not you. It's the time change.





For the third day in a row, my daughter has come out of her room more than ten times during what is supposed to be "quiet rest time." I finally gave up and put the baby gate up in front of her door. She's sprawled out behind it on her floor, singing at the top of her lungs, "UBI CARITAAAAS EST VERAAAAAA...DEUS IBI EST!"

Despite her very noisy serenade, my smallest son is asleep right now. The others seem unable to get back to the place of quiet rest. I hear vocal explosions and projectiles hitting the wall from inside one room, and another voice is alternately telling herself a story about hunting Care Bears and yelling "LA LA LA LA LA LA" in time to the banging of her heels on the wall.

It is anything but quiet. And I'm not sure about "Ubi Caritas" - certainly not from me, not here, not today.

Yesterday, my oldest son spent his nap time boring small holes into his ceiling with parts from his K'nex set. We found them after dinner.

The oldest three crushed up chalk and made it into "paint" with old rainwater that had collected in our fire pit. When that wasn't enough, they supplemented with (unauthorized) water from the garden hose. They wiped their hands on the walls, the couch cushions and the bathroom rugs.

Sam stabbed Lucy in the eye with a stick because she wouldn't give him the shovel she was holding.

Nora bit Lucy in the back because they wanted the same dress-up costume.

Lucy pierced Nora's ear with a pencil because Nora wanted to use that color and Lucy didn't want her to have it.

This morning, while everyone was getting dressed for the library, Lucy lost her shirt. She had already taken off her pajama top, so she was wandering the house, yelling, "Where is my shirrrrrrt? Who took my shirrrrt? I lost my shirrrrrrt!" When we got her another shirt, she couldn't find her shoes. She couldn't find ANY of her shoes. We finally left ten minutes late for story time with Lucy wearing pink rain boots...on the wrong feet.


The levels of irritability, rudeness, hyperactivity and destructive behavior in this household right now are amazing. I've never seen the like. I spent yesterday near tears, wondering where I had gone wrong in my parenting, wondering what business I have homeschooling, wondering if I should do everyone a favor and put them in school or preschool or child care and go back to work, like maybe I don't have any right to be doing this stay at home parent thing if I can't even get them to do something simple, like wash their hands for lunch. I even googled "family counselors" in our area, thinking we were so dysfunctional that we probably needed professional help immediately to avoid a total breakdown.

Today, I asked my friend, "Do you ever think about just quitting?" And she said, "Well, yes, but not right now. You can't judge anything by this week. We just turned the clocks back, so everything is nuts."

I stared at her.

She proceeded to tell me stories from her own life this week, stories of offspring gone haywire just like mine, stories of tantrums and tears and "I hate yous" and sibling fights that made all my chaos and angst this week seem...well, normal.

Thumbs up. All the weirdness you are seeing is happening to everyone else, too.

She's had a terrible week so far.
I have, too.
Maybe you are in the middle of your own terrible week- are you?

If so, please know you are not the only one who feels like rolling this overly-full trash can to the curb and leaving it there. We're all in this together. I don't know why it helps me so much to hear that other people are struggling, but it does.

So in case you, too, are struggling, please know this: It's not that we have suddenly lost all ability to parent to our own standards. It's not that our children have suddenly forgotten everything we ever taught them about how to behave. It's not that we have completely failed at parenting and our children will turn out to be delinquent, angry human beings who burn down buildings and destroy things and hunt Care Bears for fun.

It's the time change!

Standing at the Prime Meridian. Feeling very balanced.
Time is elemental. It might also be totally made up, but it matters. You can't go messing about with clocks without expecting children's finely-tuned, sensitive systems to get a bit out of whack. What we're seeing this week? It's just fallout. It's timey-wimey. It's a side effect. It's to be expected.

Next year, we can even plan ahead for it, if we remember.


Take a deep breath. Everything will settle down again. You'll see. Our children will stop swinging from ceiling fans and crashing into walls when they walk down the hall to the bathroom. They'll go back to normal, and we'll stop holding our heads with both hands and leaning exhaustedly against the refrigerator and staring at them with our mouths hanging open in shock and making extra coffee at 4pm just to get through the evening.

It's going to be okay.

Until it is, please help yourself to the leftover Halloween candy, focus on surviving, and know that you're not alone.

Y'all hang in there. All will be well.




This has been a public service announcement for concerned parents everywhere.